"Hi Neighbors," Scene B

Notice that they say "Phil Foster," rather than "Frank."  I can't quite read the name underneath "ATMOS," but I want to say it's closest to producer "Thomas L. Miller," like maybe "Tom Miller."  (I know it looks more like "Tony," but it doesn't look quite right for "Tony Marshall.")

We go to the Pizza Bowl, "another night."  Lenny asking Mr. DeFazio for the afternoon paper was added.  After Frank's "What is this, a Christian Science Reading Room," this was omitted:

SQUIGGY

Hey, this is a public place.

LENNY

Yeah, if you don't want people reading in your restaurant, don't put in lights.

FRANK

(NOTICING THE CLASSIFIED ADS) Ah, I get it.  Job hunting, huh?  I heard about your little accident on the turnpike.

SQUIGGY

They didn't fire me.  Lenny and me are looking for a bachelor pad.

LENNY

Yeah, someplace with a round bedroom.

Onscreen, Lenny just says they're looking for an apartment to share.  After Frank asks them to order something, there was this:

SQUIGGY

Okay, okay.  Two glasses of water.

FRANK

(HEADING TOWARDS REAR) They had guys like you in the army.  That's why I joined the navy.

HE EXITS.

LENNY

What's eatin' him?

SQUIGGY

(FINDING SOMETHING IN THE PAPER) Ah, this is it.  Listen to this.  Two bedrooms, two baths, fourteen foot ceilings, old world elegance, formal dining room, sundeck, decorator's dream.  One hundred thirty-nine thousand five hundred dollars.

LENNY

I ain't payin' that every month.

SQUIGGY

Ahh, there's plenty of other places.

Onscreen Lenny asks for the admittedly funnier two menus.

The last three pages of the scene were dropped, after the "frpl" exchange:

THEY BECOME ABSORBED IN THE PAPER.  A BEAT LATER, LAVERNE AND SHIRLEY ENTER FROM BOWLING ALLEY, SHIRLEY CARRYING SCORESHEET.

SHIRLEY

I'm telling you, Laverne, you added wrong.  Eight and seven are fifteen.

LAVERNE

Okay, Shirl, so you bowled a sixty-eight.  I still bowled a 183.  Any way you look at it, you came in a close last.

THEY SIT DOWN AT A TABLE ADJACENT TO LENNY AND SQUIGGY.

SHIRLEY

I don't notice you gloating on the miniature golf course.

LAVERNE

I'm afraid of windmills.

SQUIGGY

(DISCOVERING THE RIGHT AD) This is it.  It's perfect.  Gimme that paper.  (HE GETS UP AND GOES TO PHONE)

LAVERNE

(NOTICING LENNY AT NEXT TABLE) Oh, hi, Lenny.

LENNY

(ANSWERING AN UNASKED QUESTION) Well, Squiggy called his mother a dope, his stepfather punched him in the stomach, he took all his stuff and came over to my place, my brother-in-law tried to throw him out, I punched my brother-in-law in the stomach, he threw me out, and now we're looking for a bachelor pad with a round bedroom.

LAVERNE

I'm fine.

SHIRLEY

So you're gonna be roommates, huh?  Well, there's one thing I've learned from living with Vernie...

LAVERNE

(SOTTO) You tell him that, I'll kill you.

SHIRLEY

Shush, Laverne.  Living with another person is a game of give and take, an adventure of sharing, a world built on mutual respect.

SQUIGGY

(YELLING FROM PHONE) Hey, stupid, write this down.  532 Knapp Street.  (INTO THE PHONE) Okay, we'll be right over.  (HE HANGS UP)  Come on.

LENNY

(GETTING UP) See you later.

THEY EXIT TO FRONT DOOR.  THE GIRLS SIT DUMBFOUNDED FOR A BEAT.

LAVERNE

Did he say 532 Knapp Street?

SHIRLEY

No, that's our building.

PAUSE.

LAVERNE

They're moving into our building.

SHIRLEY

I don't feel well.

LAVERNE

Oh, yeah, wait 'til they move in.

SHIRLEY

Hold it!  There's a way out.

LAVERNE

We're not moving.

SHIRLEY

Of course not.  But Mrs. Havenwurst isn't going to rent to them.  She'll take one look at Lenny and Squiggy and she'll koww [sic] they're not Knapp Street people.

LAVERNE

Yeah, they're not really her type.

FRANK APPROACHES THE NEWSPAPER-STREWN TABLE, CARRYING TWO GLASSES OF WATER.

FRANK

What happened to the playboys?  Couldn't wait for their water?

SHIRLEY

Oh, they went off on some wild goose chase.

FRANK

Well, what am I supposed to do with all these papers -- train a puppy?

Onscreen, the boys dash out but we don't yet know where, and it'll be a complete surprise to the girls.

Thoughts:

• Frank and the boys butt heads more in this version.
• I guess everyone has heard about Squiggy accidentally spilling his load.
• I think Lenny wanting a round bedroom is a play on the Playboy fantasy of a round bed.
• Again, what McKean, Lander, and Shearer wrote doesn't match later canon, here with Frank joining the Navy instead of the Army.
• The thing of the boys mistaking the houses for sale for apartments to rent is cute.
• It's interesting that some more material for Penny and Cindy was dropped.
• It is canonical that Shirley is a much worse bowler than Laverne.
• But a fear of windmills, really?
• Did it honestly take Laverne that long to notice Lenny at the adjacent table, or was she just waiting until she could talk to him without Squiggy right there?
• Lenny answering an unasked question with family drama and Laverne replying, "I'm fine," feels very in character for both.
• Well, now I want to know what Laverne is afraid Shirley will tell Lenny.  It's not the tap-dancing in the shower again, is it?
• 532 Knapp Street?  Well, they're getting closer.  (It was 532 Walnut in the "Dating Slump" script submitted four days earlier.)
• What exactly are Knapp Street people and why don't the boys fit that?  And I get the impression from the filmed version that Mrs. H is actually pretty easy-going.  (Edna probably would've been more dubious.)
• On the one hand, it's nice that the girls have something to do in this scene, and Frank has more to do, and on the other, it works better dramatically to get that "Hi Neighbors" reveal.