"Dating Slump," Scenes 8 and 9

Both of these scenes are set at the girls' apartment, although Scene 8 is just "a few minutes later" than Scene 7:

LAVERNE AND SHIRLEY ENTER ON THE RUN.  THEY ARE OUT OF BREATH.  SHIRLEY CHECKS THE WINDOW.

SHIRLEY

Thank goodness, nobody followed us.

LAVERNE COLLAPSES ON COUCH; OUT OF BREATH.  SHIRLEY BRINGS LAVERNE A TOWEL TO WIPE HERSELF OFF.

SHIRLEY (CONT'D)

Don't take this wrong.  I'm glad we didn't fight, but I never thought you would back down.  Thank you.

LAVERNE

I didn't back down.  I could've handled that bimbo easy.  I only left because I didn't want to see a shrimp like you take a bad beating.

SHIRLEY THROWS THE TOWEL AT LAVERNE.

SHIRLEY

You know, it's cold in here.  I'm going to change.  Put on some tea.

LAVERNE

(JUMPS TO HER FEET) Oh no, Shirl, you're not getting back into that robe again.

SHIRLEY

Sure I am. I'm cold.

LAVERNE

(DESPERATE) I know this was a lousy date and it was all my fault, but all dates don't have to be like this.  Shirl, please.  You don't want to look like my mother.

SHIRLEY

Laverne, calm yourself.  I've made a decision, as we were running down the street.  I'm going to modify my standards.

LAVERNE

You're a corker.  What made you change your mind?

SHIRLEY

This evening was awful.  It was lousy, sickening, disgusting.

LAVERNE IS NODDING, WAITING FOR THE PAYOFF.

SHIRLEY (CONT'D)

And still it was better than the last four weeks.

LAVERNE

Then should I tell Moose yes, for tomorrow?

SHIRLEY STARES AT HER.

LAVERNE (CONT'D)

I was kidding.  And I'm glad you've admitted the truth to yourself.

SHIRLEY

You know, Laverne, when it comes to getting blind dates, you are the worst.

LAVERNE

Don't say that until my father gets you a date.

SHIRLEY

Look, you gave me the opportunity to find out for yourself.  Okay, I found out.   I have to push myself harder...  I think I'll go to that party with Stanley Bankoff.

LAVERNE

Stanley's nice.  (MUMBLES) I wouldn't go out with him.

SHIRLEY

What was that?

LAVERNE

It's just that I think I'm going to start raising my standards.  Maybe you're right.  I don't think I've been too choosy lately.

SHIRLEY

Good girl.  You're growing.

LAVERNE

(PAUSE) Does Stanley have a friend?  Tall?

SHIRLEY STARTS FOR THE BEDROOM.

SHIRLEY

I don't know.

LAVERNE

(FOLLOWS HER) Well, ask.  It doesn't have to be anyone special.

SHIRLEY

What about your new standards?

LAVERNE

I'll start next week.

THEY EXIT.

This ends Act Two, but then there's the Tag, set during the "early evening."

LAVERNE AND SHIRLEY ARE SITTING ON THE ARM OF THE COUCH.  CARMINE IS TELLING A STORY AND DEMONSTRATING.  THEY ARE BOTH LAUGHING.

CARMINE

So I'm trying to teach this fat lady how to dip so I lean back like this and she trips and before I know it, I'm trapped in the debris.  It took three guys to get her off me.

CARMINE DEMONSTRATES AND FALLS ON THE FLOOR.  HE STANDS UP AND LAVERNE OFFERS HIM A PIECE OF CANDY FROM THE BOX.

LAVERNE

Here Carmine, have a cluster.

CARMINE LOOKS IN THE BOX.

CARMINE

They're all squashed.

LAVERNE

She likes them better that way.

CARMINE

No thanks.  I have to get over to the dance studio anyway.

CARMINE STARTS TO LEAVE.

Then Carmine's speech from the tag about wanting the girls to think of him as a brother came here.  This was omitted after Carmine says, "See you later, Angel Face," to Shirley:

SHIRLEY

Say hello to Rhonda.

LAVERNE

And don't fall under fat ladies.

Lenny and Squiggy returned after the girls agree that Carmine is sweet.  But after Laverne tells the boys the Jeep is theirs, this is how the scene and episode ended:

SQUIGGY AND LENNY JUMP FOR JOY.

LENNY

Let's go for a drive.

SQUIGGY

Yeah, you girls want to go for a ride with us?

LAVERNE AND SHIRLEY LOOK AT EACH OTHER AND THEN TOGETHER

LAVERNE                SHIRLEY

Sure, why not?          Sure, why not?

THEY ALL GO OUT THE DOOR.

Onscreen, Laverne says she's going to raise her standards and swear off men in uniform for a few days, "except sailors, I like sailors," which maybe is a callback to Billy from the first scene.

Thoughts:

• Boy, the girls really hauled ass from the pool hall, to get home in just a few minutes!
• Not to condone brawling, but I think the audience, especially the studio audience, needs the catharsis of our girls fighting the two tough girls.  It helps Shirley get out of her slump, too.
• Onscreen, Shirley says it was the best night of the past two weeks, not four.
• Shirley is one to talk about bad blind dates, considering some of the losers she has fixed up and will fix up Laverne with.  I mean, Alan Steckler?  Come on, Shirl!
• Poor Stanley Bankoff though.
• Shouldn't it be "Look, you gave me the opportunity to find out for myself"?
• Of course Laverne wants Stanley's friend to be tall.
• As in "Nun's Story," Laverne postpones reforming until "next week."
• I'm going to assume that Laverne and Shirley are not sitting on the same couch arm.
• That's OK, Arthur Silver, we can leave out Carmine's unfunny, fat-shaming anecdote.
• On the other hand, it's nice that Shirley in the script does make an honest effort to befriend Rhonda, although we never hear of her again of course.
• I like that sweet, surreal ending where the Core Four are going for a ride in the nonexistent Jeep.
• This is another script where the filmed version is arguably better but some nice stuff was lost along the way.