"Did She or Didn't She?", Scenes 6 and 7

And now it's "day" in the break room, I guess the next day:

SQUIGGY AND A COUPLE OF MALE WORKERS ARE MILLING AROUND.  LAVERNE AND SHIRLEY ENTER.

SHIRLEY

(TO LAVERNE) I can't talk to Squiggy with all these people here.

LAVERNE

(TO SHIRLEY) Don't worry, I'll take care of it.  (LOUDLY) I think it's terrible.  They still didn't fix that hole in the wall.  You can see right into the ladies' room.

EVERYONE, AFTER HEARING LAVERNE, RUNS OUT.

SHIRLEY

Laverne, you amaze me.

LAVERNE EXITS.

LAVERNE

I'm a born leader.

SHIRLEY STOPS SQUIGGY ON HIS WAY OUT WITH OTHERS.  SQUIGGY WAS STALLED FINISHING HIS COKE.

SHIRLEY

(CONTROLLED) Squiggy, I'd like to speak to you.

SQUIGGY

But I'll miss everything.

SHIRLEY

No you won't.  That was just a ruse.

SQUIGGY

Oh, a ruse... What's a ruse.

SHIRLEY

A lie.

SQUIGGY

Why didn't you say so?

That all got cut and we start with S & S talking in the break room, despite the presence of coworkers.  The first part of that exchange is the same, but here's what was removed after Shirley asks why he didn't tell Lenny the truth:

SQUIGGY

Oh.  (PAUSE, THEN) Well, he didn't seem to want to hear the truth.  He was delighted with what he thought.  He's a smutty guy.

SHIRLEY

You actually let him think that you and I...  knew each other... in the Biblical sense?

SQUIGGY

No, right here in the break room.

SHIRLEY

How could you?

SQUIGGY

I'm sorry.  After I did it, I was sorry I did it, but I already did it.  I can't undo it.  It's too late.

SHIRLEY

It's not too late.  So far, only the people in the brewery think it's true.  So you just have to talk to them.

SQUIGGY

I can't.  It will ruin my reputation.

SHIRLEY

YOUR reputation?

SQUIGGY

Sure.  Now girls look at me different.  They look at me.

Onscreen, Squiggy is less sorry, but he does talk about his own reputation being ruined if Shirley's is cleared, although in less detail than in the script.

The announcement about the picnic is from the script, although Squiggy's line about taking Shirley to it is not.

The last page and a half of the scene got dropped:

SHIRLEY

Are you or aren't you going to take back what you said?

SQUIGGY

I aren't.

SHIRLEY

You are incorrigible.

SQUIGGY

Thank you.  I knew you'd see it my way.

SQUIGGY EXITS.

SHIRLEY

Men.  They think the whole world is -- (SOTTO) -- a locker room.

LAVERNE ENTERS

LAVERNE

I just saw Squiggy.  How'd it go?

SHIRLEY

It's no use.  Squiggy won't listen to reason.

ANOTHER ANNOUNCEMENT COMES OVER THE LOUDSPEAKER.

VOICE (O.S.)

Your attention please.  Will Bill Mooney please report back to the loading dock and turn off your fork lift.

SHIRLEY

I've got one more idea.  Let's go get Carmine.

LAVERNE

(HAPPY) Carmine, good idea.  The way he feels about you he'll go crazy.  He'll hit Squiggy in the face until Squiggy either admits he was lying or dies.

SHIRLEY

(STARTS OUTS) I have a more subtle plan than that.

LAVERNE

(FOLLOWS HER) He'll hit him in the stomach?

THEY EXIT.

The next scene is also in the break room, during "day," presumably the same day:

SHIRLEY IS PACING.  OTHER PEOPLE ARE MILLING AROUND. THERE IS A SQUEAL OUTSIDE THE DOOR AND SQUIGGY IS DRAGGED IN BETWEEN LAVERNE AND CARMINE.  LENNY FOLLOWS.

SQUIGGY

Help!  Lenny, do something!

LENNY

I will, I will.  (CARMINE GLARES AT HIM)  But first I gotta tie my shoe.  (BENDS DOWN)

CARMINE SHOVES SQUIGGY INTO A CHAIR IN BACK OF A CART LOADED WITH SOUND EQUIPMENT.

SQUIGGY

What's with all the equipment?  You gonna electrocute me?

CARMINE

We're hooking up this microphone into the Shotz loudspeaker system.

LAVERNE

You're going to tell the entire brewery what you said about Shirley isn't true.

SQUIGGY

I ain't sayin' nothin'.

LENNY

What's going on here?

SHIRLEY

Your friend has been ruining my reputation to beef up his own, that's what.

CARMINE

And that's why he's going to apologize to the whole brewery.  Now make it fast, I gotta get back to work.

SQUIGGY

My lips are sealed.

LAVERNE PUSHES SHIRLEY IN FRONT OF HER.

LAVERNE

Just look at this poor girl.  You've ruined her for this town.  She's going to have to move away and build another life somewhere, maybe out west on the prairie.

CARMINE

Look at her, Squiggy.

SQUIGGY LOOKS GUILTILY UP AND THEN AWAY.

SQUIGGY

I'm real sorry, Shirley.

SHIRLEY

Now tell that to the brewery.

SQUIGGY

I got a better idea.

CARMINE

What?

SQUIGGY

Why don't I go walk in front of a car?

Onscreen, Shirley gives up on reasoning and reluctantly goes to "brute force," i.e. Carmine.  She opens the door on Carmine and Laverne.  Shirley can't watch and hides against Laverne, who wants to watch.  Carmine tries reason and threats.  Carmine saying he doesn't want to hurt Squiggy, and Squiggy saying he fears nothing but the dark are in both versions.  Carmine asking if the witnesses object was added, as was their reaction.

Shirley stops the fight in both versions, but here's the script version:

SHIRLEY

Carmine, don't!

LAVERNE

Maybe we should turn the lights off.

SHIRLEY

Let's just forget the whole thing,  I know what I'm up against.  Laverne, you were right before.  He'll never take it back.  I'll just have to ignore what people think of me.  (STARTS TO HOLD BACK SOBS.)  I'm not going to leave town.  I'll stay here...  and live the rest of my life in disgrace.

THERE IS SILENCE.  CARMING AND LAVERNE COMFORT SHIRLEY. EVERYONE IN THE BREAK ROOM LOOKS ACCUSINGLY AT SQUIGGY.  SHIRLEY IS HOLDING BACK THE TEARS AS BEST SHE CAN,  BUT SHE IS CRYING.

SQUIGGY

Hey, come on, don't cry.  Stop that.  You're making me nervous.

CARMINE

Let me belt him, angel face.

SHIRLEY

(STILL CRYING) No.  It's not the way.  

LAVERNE

Squiggy, leave her alone.  You did enough.

LENNY

You made a girl cry.  Shame on you.

SQUIGGY

Shirley, please, stop crying.  I tell you what, you don't have to pay me the dollar.

SHIRLEY CONTNUES TO CRY.  SQUIGGY GIVES OUT A LONG SIGH.  HE CROSSES BACK TO THE LOUDSPEAKER, TURNS IT ON, SITS DOWN.  HIS WORDS REVERBERATE THROUGH THE SOUND SYSTEM ABOVE.

Onscreen, Lenny enters while Shirley is crying (and Squiggy does say that makes him nervous), and he thinks Squiggy broke Shirley's heart.  Laverne tells Lenny to shut up and explains that Squiggy lied to Lenny.  So the boys argue and Squiggy storms out, saying they all make him stink.  Lenny offers to be best friends with Carmine, who turns him down.  The announcer starts to make another announcement, which Squiggy breathlessly interrupts, to apologize to Shirley, and then to sing "In the Still of the Night."  Lenny does backup in the break room.  Oh, and the announcer cancels his date with Shirley.  This is how it went in the script:

SQUIGGY (CONT'D)

Hello, everybody.  This is Squiggy.  I just wanna say that I never got nowhere with Shirley Feeney.  It was all a ruse.  That means a lie.  She's a real good girl and she didn't do nothin' with me.

THERE IS A BURST OF APPLAUSE FROM THE PEOPLE IN THE BREAK ROOM.  SHIRLEY GOES UP TO HIM.

SHIRLEY

Thank you, Squiggy.  That was very sweet.

SQUIGGY

An' while I got the mike, I'd like to sing a little song.  (SINGS) "You ain't nuttin' but a hound dog, houndin' 'round my door..."

Thoughts:

• As always, Laverne can clear a room, even if "everyone" is just two men.
• The running joke about "ruse" is kind of cute.
• Yes, the irony of Squiggy calling Lenny a smutty guy.  (Not that it's not true.)
• This Squiggy is more contrite than the one onscreen, but he's still not willing to "ruin his own reputation."
• It's cute that Shirley is so demure she can't be blunt with Squiggy about them not "knowing each other Biblically" and she says the phrase "locker room" quietly, when she's alone.
• IF Bill Mooney is a typical Shotz loading dock worker, no wonder the boys had to wait around earlier.
• Onscreen, there's no set-up of the girls getting Carmine, and presumably that happens before Shirley tries to reason with Squiggy.  Laverne's line about Carmine's feelings for Shirley is sweet, even if she means that therefore he'll beat up Squiggy.
• The extras were going to do a lot of milling around.
• I'm not sure which version of Lenny finding out I prefer, maybe onscreen, although there it becomes more about Lenny feeling betrayed that Squiggy lied to him, while in the script he's more sympathetic to Shirley and doesn't make it about himself.  Then again, that backup!
• I just don't see how the stuff with the sound equipment could've worked.  It would've slowed down the scene and raised too many questions, like where it's from (the dance studio?) and how they're so easily plugging into the Shotz loudspeaker.  It's much better to have Squiggy interact with the announcer, especially since it ended up being Harry Shearer.
• Everyone really guilt-trips Squiggy in this version, not that they shouldn't, but saying Shirley will have to leave town is a little extreme.
• I'm going to assume that that's a reference to Little House on the Prairie (which premiered in '74), unless I hear otherwise.
• Squiggy would rather be hit by a car than admit that he hasn't boffed Shirley.
• "Let me belt him, angel face" is one of the Carminiest lines ever written.
• While I'd hesitate to call this episode shippy in terms of S & S, she does in this version call him sweet for apologizing that way.  Their relationship is at least more complex in the script.
• I'm pretty sure that in no previous version of "Hound Dog" did the hound "hound round a door."
• These two scenes are streamlined and blended well onscreen, but I like the scripted version, too.