"The Gymnast Show," Scene A

My copy of the script is missing the cover page, which says the date and which version it is.  But I've done a little detective work and I can place it roughly:

1. It's white, which seems to be the color for Rough Drafts.
2. It's coded on the cast list page as #60798-173.  "How's Your Sister?" is coded as #60798-174, so this is presumably meant to be the preceding episode, never mind the air-dates.  
3. "Buzzards" is #60798-162, and the Rough Draft is from September 9, 1982, while the "Sister" script is from December 13th.  So we can assume that this is somewhere in between.
4. "Gymnast" would air December 14th.  I can't imagine this copy is later than early November, considering the other drafts it would have to go through before shooting.

By this point, they definitely would've given up all hope of Cindy coming back, and indeed it's a very skeletal cast, just three regulars and two guests.

Anyway, we begin at Cowboy Bill's, at "Night":

THE RESTAURANT IS CLOSED.  THE TABLES ARE PUSHED ASIDE, CHAIRS ON TOP, AS FRANK IS ABOUT TO WAX THE FLOOR.  LAVERNE ENTERS VERY UPSET.

LAVERNE

I got stood up.  Can you believe it?  I thought stood up was one of those things that goes away after high school...  like zits.  The Creep.  I bet he wasn't even really Bob Dylan's brother.  (SHE NOTICES FRANK WITH THE MOP.)  Pop...  didn't you hear me... your muffin got stood up.

FRANK

What do you want from me?  I got stood up too.  I had wrestling tickets for tonight but I can't go because Pepino won't come in and clean up.

LAVERNE

He's sick?

FRANK

There's gotta be something wrong with him.  He's getting married tonight.

LAVERNE

So Mary finally got him to the altar.

FRANK

Not Mary...  Bob Eubanks.  They got chosen for the Newlywed Game.  Figured they better make it legal.

LAVERNE

The perfect Hollywood romance.  Met on the Dating Game, married on the Newlywed Game.  I hope they don't wind up in Divorce Court.

FRANK

Don't give him any ideas.  Bad enough he's taking tonight off.

LAVERNE

Can't you get someone else?

FRANK

No.  Pepino's like family.  Works for wages like family.  Cheap.

LAVERNE

I'll clean up, Pop.

FRANK

I couldn't ask you to do that, but since you want to...

FRANK WHIPS HIS APRON OFF AND HANDS IT AND THE MOP TO LAVERNE.

FRANK (CONT'D)

Don't forget the corners.

FRANK EXITS.  LAVERNE LOOKS AT THE WAX INSTRUCTIONS.

LAVERNE

(READING) "Caution".  "Do not take internally, avoid contact with eye."  Boy, what kind of jerk would want to wax their eye?

LAVERNE OPENS THE THE PLASTIC BOTTLE.  IT SQUIRTS IN HER FACE.

LAVERNE (CONT'D)

Good thing it's okay to squirt it in your nose.

This all got left out and when the filmed scene opens, Laverne is waxing the floor when Rhonda enters with "a handsome, muscular man in his forties.  He has a cane."  For whatever reason, Edgar's last name in the script was "Van Dyke," rather than "Garibaldi."

After Edgar tells Laverne that her hands are too lovely to hold a mop, this was omitted:

RHONDA

Speaking of hands, Laverne, don't you recognize these?  (HOLDS UP EDGAR'S HANDS).

LAVERNE

Uh, a commercial maybe?  'M & M's melt in your mouth, not in your hands.'  (TO EDGAR) You're the hands right?

EDGAR

Nothing so glamorous.

In the script, after Laverne asks if the bearded lady is really a guy, Edgar replies, "Not ours, she was a big, mean woman.  But perhaps you and I could go out for dinner and talk more about it."  Onscreen, Rhonda says this is no question to ask on a first date, and Edgar offers to tell Laverne about the tattooed lady.

After Edgar calls Laverne agile and graceful, she was supposed to say, "That was nothing.  I've had a lot of practice dodging angry customers," and then he'd remark, "And so modest."  And after Laverne says that she hopes she doesn't remind Edgar of the fat lady, he'd say, "They would have run us out of town if our fat lady was as beautiful as you," which would make Laverne go, "Awww."

In the script, Rhonda says, "Ta ta" and exits, but onscreen Laverne has to tell her to get lost before she goes.

Onscreen, after Edgar asks if Laverne ever wears her hair up, she holds it up but then says her arms are getting tired, so he holds it up, and she hopes his arms won't get tired.  In the script, Laverne "dreamily" tells him, "Anyway you like it.  Up.  Down.  Off...," and then they exit.

Thoughts:

• It's another Laverne/mop episode.
• How late at night is it that Laverne got stood up but is still able to go out to dinner at a presumably much nicer restaurant?  We know Frank sometimes torments his customers very late at night, but maybe he didn't bother this time since he was hoping to go to a wrestling match.
• This script has one of several references to Dylan in the California years.
• Frank sure is lacking in sympathy to everyone but himself here.
• Who the heck is Pepino?
• I thought for a moment that Mary the Waitress got married, but that doesn't really fit with meeting on The Dating Game.
• The first part of the scene isn't particularly funny or necessary, but it does mean that Frank's appearance in the episode is cut shorter.
• The Rhonda-Laverne-Edgar dialogue is about equal in both versions.  I ended up giving the finished product a C, and I think this script is going to be pretty average, too.
• It is worth noting though, this episode fits the recurring theme of Laverne reshaping herself to please men, in this script even offering to shave her head!