"Please Don't Feed the Buzzards," Scenes E and H

Still the desert in parallel time.

AS THE SUN COMES UP, WE SEE THAT AN EARLY MORNING SAND DRIFT HAS BURIED A SLEEPING FRANK AND CARMINE UP TO THEIR FACES.  FRANK WAKES UP AND NOTICES THIS PREDICAMENT.  ONE HAND IS STICKING OUT OF THE SAND.  HE LETS SAND RUN THROUGH HIS EXPOSED FINGERS.

FRANK

What is this?  I musta been eatin' crackers in bed again.  This ain't crackers, it's sand.  Hey, Carmine, wake up!

CARMINE

(AWAKE) Whatever happened to good morning?  (NOTICES SAND) and what happened to us?

FRANK

Must've been a sandstorm.  C'mon, let's get out of these things.

THEY STRUGGLE TO GET THE SAND OFF THEIR BAGS BY KICKING WITH THEIR FEET AND PUNCHING WITH THEIR HANDS.  AS THE SAND SLIDES OFF, THEY CONTINUE STRUGGLING.  WE REALIZE THAT THEY ARE ALSO STUCK IN THEIR SLEEPING BAGS.  THEY FLAIL AROUND, KICK, TWIST, BITE THE ZIPPER WITH THEIR TEETH, ETC.   THEY MANAGE TO GET ONTO THEIR FEET, AND BEGIN HOPPING AROUND LIKE SACKS OF POTATOES.

CARMINE

Okay, that's it.  Emergency measures needed here.  This calls for my Italian Swiss Army Knife.

CARMINE FIDDLES WITH SOMETHING INSIDE HIS SLEEPING BAG.  A KNIFE BLADE POKES THROUGH THE BAG INSIDE AND SLIDES DOWNWARD AND THEN UP UNTIL IT HAS CUT A SLIT THE LENGTH OF THE SLEEPING BAG.  CARMINE SQUIRMS OUT.

FRANK

Now get me out before my mustache melts.

CARMINE APPROACHES FRANK WITH THE KNIFE.  HE IS ABOUT TO CUT OPEN THE BAG.  FRANK REACTS.

FRANK (CONT'D)

Carmine, you don't need a knife to open a zipper.

CARMINE

You take the fun out of everything.

CARMINE UNZIPS FRANK'S SLEEPING BAG AND HELPS HIM OUT.

FRANK

The fun went when we left Burbank.

CARMINE DISCOVERS THE BOYS' SLEEPING BAGS AND PULLS THEM OUT OF THE SAND.

This was all left out and it probably would've been hard to stage, but there are some cute lines here.  The next half page, including the part about Lenny's coloring book, made it in.  Then the last part of this scene was omitted:

FRANK

Those no good bums.  I say we find 'em and wring their scrawny little chicken necks.

CARMINE

Relax.  Their part of the map doesn't work by itself.  When they figure that out, they'll probably come back.

FRANK

Are you nuts?  This is the desert.  We're lost.  The only way they'd stumble back here would be out of dumb luck.

CARMINE

(BEAT)  We'll wait.

Scene E ends here and there's a time-skip for Scene H, although it's still "parallel time":

FRANK AND CARMINE HAVE MADE A TENT OF SORTS OUT OF THE SLEEPING BAGS AND ARE SITTING ON LAWN CHAIRS IN THE SHADE.  THEY ARE SIPPING WATER FROM CUPS CUT OUT OF CACTUS SHAPED LIKE AN ARROW, AND FANNING THEMSELVES WITH THEIR SECTIONS OF THE MAPS.

CARMINE

They've been gone for hours.  Do you think they could've found the treasure?

Onscreen, there's no time-skip and we don't know how long Lenny and Squiggy have been gone, but Carmine does wonder if they've found the treasure.  The rest of the scene got in with mostly minor variations. 

Notable changes:

• The part about Anzio and Coney Island was added.  
• Squiggy was supposed to be crawling, while Lenny would be "using the shovel as a crutch," and then Frank would "yank the shovel" away, so he can dig with it, but onscreen Frank and Carmine have already unearthed the treasure before the boys enter.
• Squiggy was supposed to react to "Napolean [sic] Brandy" with "I don't care who it belongs to.  Finders keepers... losers weepers..." rather than the slightly better "He was my favorite president."
• And Frank was supposed to say, "Rich people collect [brandy] and put it in their basements," to which Lenny would reply, "Couldn't do that at my house.  That's where my mother kept the grapefruit."

This continues to be a solid episode, in both the final draft and the finished product.  The reference to Lenny's mother is less puzzling than the one in "The Duke of Squiggman," since he may be speaking of a time in his very early childhood.