"I Do, I Do" script, Scene A

Act One opens at Cowboy Bill's in the daytime.  It begins much like what aired, except that the entrance of London and Derek is delayed until after the exchange about Frank at Cowboy Bill University.

LONDON AND DEREK ENTER.  THEY ARE HANDSOME BRITISH MUSICIANS DRESSED IN FASHIONABLE "ROCK" ATTIRE OF THE DAY.  DEREK IS THE MORE RUGGED OF THE TWO.  THEY CROSS TO A TABLE AND SIT.

Laverne does not refer to Derek as "cute" in the script.  Shirley's reaction is more understated at first, "You're right.  It is London," as opposed to "It's him!  It's him!  I can't believe it," although she does go on to make the Fabian comparison.  Edna does mention "Herbert's Hermits," but Shirley correcting her was added, presumably after Peter Noone was cast.  And then the girls sing the hit from London's Bridges:

The question arises, when and how did this get replaced with the superior "Your Love, Love, Love (Fits Me Like a Glove, Glove Glove)"?  Was it something that Idle and/or Noone collaborated on?  Or did screenwriters Kite & Begel come up with it in a later draft?  In any case, Edna guesses it's called "Love My Baby," rather than "Moonlight in Vermont" like in the filmed episode.  Then we lost about half a page of dialogue:

 

LAVERNE

See, you have heard of it.  (TO SHIRLEY) C'mon, Shirl, let's go talk to 'em.

SHIRLEY

We can't just go up to them and start talking to them like they're normal people.

LAVERNE

Okay, we'll treat 'em like rock stars.  We'll ask for their autographs and tear their clothes off.

SHIRLEY 

Laverne, aren't we a little old for that?

LAVERNE

Well, we gotta find something to say to them.

And then Edna makes her "May I take your order?" suggestion.  The dialogue then is much like in the filmed episode, but for some reason "Tonto Tacos" became "Teepee Tacos," although they're both mildly racist.  Also, it's "Fran the Waitress" that Shirley steals a tray from, while it's pretty clear that it's Mary as usual in the episode.

London's line about "fast food" gets Laverne's "Some people don't even call it food" in the aired version, but she originally had the more suggestive line, "Yeah.  We're the 'fastest' waitresses west of Pasadena."

Another name change is that "Derek DeForrest" became "Derek DeWoods," which is admittedly close.  He originally weighed seven and a half stones, rather than ten.  Since a stone equals fourteen pounds, this put Derek at 105 pounds, pretty scrawny for a rugged six-footer.  (Perhaps Idle gently corrected them, although even 140 sounds pretty slender.)  Similarly, London was "seven pounds even" in this draft, putting him at 98 pounds, although 5'10".  By air-date, London had no pet peeves, but back in January he was given the pet peeve of "phoney people."

This was left out after Shirley says the English make everything sound "so Shakespearian" [sic]:

LAVERNE

Coyote Sodys?

SHIRLEY

Nay.  Listen again.  (WITH ENGLISH FLARE [sic]) Wherefore art thou, Coyote Sodys?

LAVERNE

Shirl, thou are full of it.

Derek's interest in buying a castle was added.  (Again, I want to credit Idle.)  The taco analogy was there though, but we lost Derek's gripe about taxes, "It's not fair.  I don't see the Royal Family cranking out hits like 'Love My Baby.' "

The bash was "little" in the script but "big" on the episode.  Laverne convincing Shirley to go took a little longer but was less violent in the script:

SHIRLEY

Well, I don't know.  We hardly know you.

LAVERNE 

(QUICKLY) This is London, this is Derek, you're Shirley, I'm Laverne.  

In both, Laverne asks when and where.  On the episode, London helpfully says, "Eight o'clock, 900 Blue Jay Way."  In the script, he answers, "Tonight.  Eight twenty-five Blue Jay Way."  He's already told them that the little bash is tonight, so a more specific time is an improvement in the filmed version.  But why the change in address?

On the other hand, Laverne is more specific in the script about what they have to do to get ready, "....get clothes, fix our hair, do our make-up."

The episode has a nice bit of editing, seguing from Laverne's "Snap, crackle, and pop!" to the exterior of the house and the sound of London's Bridges' hit song.  However, we did lose this closing bit with Edna:

EDNA COMES OVER TO THE GUYS' TABLE.  SHE HAS PEN AND PAPER.

EDNA

Excuse me.  Are you really the fellows who sing, "Love My Baby"?

LONDON

That's us.

EDNA

Well, could I have your autograph for my niece?  (HANDS THEM PAPER)  Sign it to "My Dearest Edna".

A few observations:

• This scene is similar enough to what aired to be recognizable (unlike the other two scenes, which take some surprising turns), but it definitely has differences, most of them for the better.
• It's interesting that the musician Laverne is interested in is described as "rugged," since that is one of her main types.
• Laverne is more verbally lustful than she is in the episode, with her suggestion they tear off the guys' clothes and her line about being "fast," although Penny manages to get very flirty visually.
• The thing with Edna being starstruck might've worked, if one, it hadn't already been established that she is unimpressed with the rock musicians, and two, it didn't feel out of character.  I prefer the sensible Edna that we get in the rest of the scene.