"We're in the Army Now" script, Scene K

For the final scene of Part One, it's back to the barracks, a couple days later:

THE GIRLS' AREA IS FIXED UP WITH VARIOUS ITEMS FROM HOME.  LAVERNE IS HANGING UP A PICTURE OF JULIUS LA ROSA AND SHIRLEY IS WRITING IN HER JOURNAL.  SHIRLEY RISES AND ADDRESSES THE ROOM.

SHIRLEY

Ladies, may I have your attention please.  For all those who are interested in classic literature, tonight at 2100, I will be reading excerpts from "How I Saved My Country" by Shirley Wilhelmina Feeney.

THERE IS A BEAT OF SILENCE.

SHIRLEY (CONT'D)

(TO ROOM) I'm writing this down.

LAVERNE

Don't worry, Shirl.  They'll be sorry when they have to pay for it.

This was omitted and the scene starts with Sgt. Shannon entering and calling everyone to attention.  Then she gives them their assignments.  For whatever reason, the clerk-typists were changed from Jones, Walker, and Winnick to Chapman and Atkins.  And Wilkins, MacNamara, and Sheldon were the field nurses, while here Washington says, "That's just me," when Shannon assigns Jefferson, Washington, and Lincoln.  (I think, since Washington is Black, this was meant to be funny, but it makes Shannon look mildly racist.)  In the script, all of the WACs besides our girls are now assigned, but in the episode the remaining three become dispatchers, which Shirley is audibly jealous over.

The next part of the script made it in intact, except that Shannon wishing, "May all your Christmases be white" was added.  (Which in light of the Washington mix-up again sounds racist.)

Sgt. Plout enters, and there is, surprisingly, no description of her in the script.  After Laverne guesses that this is Mrs. Hope, Shirley originally said, "She doesn't look like she has much of a sense of humor."

Laverne's anecdote about slouching because she was an early bloomer was added.  On the other hand, when Plout says she can change them from "strong, agile, and not good at anything in particular," Shirley was supposed to say, "You're gonna make us weak and clutzy?"

Ah, Laverne's Eddie Haskell line was moved from Scene H to this scene in the episode.  (It's not exactly one I have committed to memory.)  In the script, she asked, after Plout said that she was going to prove to the Army that a woman can do anything a man can do, "We gotta grow beards?"  (The Haskell line is funnier.)

After Plout says she'll make them combat ready, the script had Shirley saying, "Don't get me wrong, I wouldn't mind weak and clutzy," followed by Laverne's "Yeah, maybe you could use a battling baker.  I already got the hat."  (This now ranks as one of the weakest running gags ever in semi-canon.)

In the episode, the girls are stupid enough to think Plout has left the room, when she's just moved to the other side of Shirley, and they badmouth her and then worry she'll hit them.

After the patrol of "six huge women" enters, Shirley was supposed to say, "Nice to meet you," and Laverne would add, "I'm glad I'm on your side."  Plout's exit lines were added, probably after Lawrence was cast.  In the script, the act ends with the girls looking around.

So, of the five scripts I've looked at so far, this is definitely the one I find least interesting.  It has some nice little moments, mostly with the boys and Carmine, but it is basically a C script that led to a C episode.  There are no dazzling stage directions like Laverne's "dirty thoughts" in "Dance Studio" or even "Squiggy twitches" in "That's Entertainment."  It is, pardon the pun, serviceable.  And I would only buy Part Two if I could, as with Part One, get it dirt cheap.