"We're in the Army Now" script, Scene D

It's back to the girls' apartment, with a sort of specific time, "3:00 A.M.-ish":

SHIRLEY AND CARMINE ARE SEATED ON THE COUCH.  CARMINE IS IN PAJAMAS AND BATHROBE, RESTING HIS HEAD ON SHIRLEY'S SHOULDER, EYES GLUED TO HIS WRIST WATCH.  SHIRLEY IS DRESSED FOR TRAVEL, AND IS FINISHING PACKING HER OVERNIGHT CASE.

CARMINE

Twenty-five minutes and thirty seconds until three A.M.

SHIRLEY

Calamine lotion, shower slippers and my moraccas [sic].

CARMINE

What are those for?

SHIRLEY

For when we sing around the campfire.

CARMINE

In twenty-five minutes and twenty seconds you'll be gone.  A big silver bus will take you away to the other side of the world.

SHIRLEY

I'm going to Alabama, Carmine.  It's only a hop, skip and a 700 mile jump away.

CARMINE

Shirl, I'm gonna wait right here for you to come home.  I'll eat here, sleep here, give dance lessons here...

SHIRLEY

Come on, kid, buck up.  (CHUCKS HIM UNDER CHIN) Sure I'm going off to defend our country.  Of course there's danger ahead.  Yes, even a good chance I might not come back.

This was mostly cut, just keeping Carmine in voiceover saying that it's three o'clock in the morning.  She is holding the maracas in the episode, but she's not packing.  In the episode, he asks how he can get along without her, while in the script he says, "Angelface, don't go.  I can't live without you," and then he "hugs Shirley and starts kissing her hysterically."  Their exchange about "the big goodbye" vs. "a big goodbye" was kept.

Shirley does lead him into the bedroom in both, and Laverne's reminder that basic training is "only eight weeks" is in both, but on the episode he yells about this, while in the script he "whimpers."

Frank and Edna's entrance is similar, but Edna "carries a large picnic basket" rather than two paper bags, and we lose her line, "Sure, it'll be fun.  Going someplace new, making new friends, waking up at six A.M. to the sound of a bugle."

Frank giving Laverne his "Battling Baker" chef's hat was kept, despite the omission of most of Scene A, but it was moved to after Edna's gift of the food.  We lost Frank and Edna planning to put the food in Laverne's suitcase and her telling them to let the air out of her beach ball to make room.

In the episode, Carmine and Shirley reenter the living room, disagreeing about whether her farewell counted for eight weeks, while in the script she comes back alone:

LAVERNE

Where's Carmine?

SHIRLEY

He's in the bedroom, recovering.  I took his breath away.

LAVERNE

You didn't give him the big goodbye, did you?

SHIRLEY

What!  Waste the big goodbye for eight measly weeks?

LAVERNE

Stupid question.

(Note, it's been less than two pages since Shirley left the room, so whatever she did with Carmine, it couldn't have taken long.)

In the episode, Lenny yells down through the window, while Squiggy has one offstage line.  The boys' material was again cut:

LENNY AND SQUIGGY BURST IN, DRESSED IN NIGHT CLOTHES.

SQUIGGY

Front and center, you G.I. Josephines.  Me and Len are here to give you the big goodbye.

SHIRLEY

You wouldn't dare!

LAVERNE

It's okay.  It was a lucky guess.  [I have no idea what this line means.]

LENNY

First, we have something that could save your life and limbs.  Show 'em, Squig.

SQUIGGY TAKES OUT A WINDUP TOY SOLDIER.

SQUIGGY

I have here a land mine detector.

LAVERNE

It's a toy soldier.

LENNY

Only to the naked eye.  You wind it up and it will guide you safely through booby-trapped enemy real estate.

SQUIGGY WINDS IT UP AND PUTS IT ON THE FLOOR.  HE AND SQUIGGY FOLLOW BEHIND IT TAKING TINY STEPS.

SHIRLEY

But look how close you have to follow it.

SQUIGGY

Shirl, you gotta keep winding it.

LAVERNE

But if it steps on a mine we'll be blown to bits.

LENNY

In that case, it'll be the last toy you'll ever play with.

LAVERNE

(TAKING THE TOY SOLDIER) Thanks, guys.  It's the thought that counts.

LENNY

Who thought?

SQUIGGY

I did.  I figured since Edna ain't renting out your apartment, you'd leave us the keys in exchange for our live-saving gift.

LAVERNE HANDS THE TOY SOLDIER BACK TO SQUIGGY.

LAVERNE

Here you go, guys.

SQUIGGY

Aw, we don't need it.  There ain't no mine fields in Milwaukee.

FRANK, EDNA AND CARMINE ENTER FROM THE BEDROOM.  FRANK BRINGS LAVERNE'S DUFFLE BAG FROM THE BEDROOM AND GIVES IT TO HER.  CARMINE CROSSES TO SHIRLEY.

CARMINE

Shirl, I almost forgot.  I went out to the all night drugstore and took some pictures of me for your locker.

CARMINE HANDS HER SEVERAL STRIPS OF PHOTOS, THE KIND YOU GET FOUR FOR A QUARTER.

SHIRLEY

They're beautiful.  If only your eyes were open.

The thing of the girls almost kissing during the farewells was added.  We lost Lenny "handing out hankies to the entire group," although hankies are waved anyway.

So let's talk about Shirmine.  On the surface, it's similar in the script to what aired, but the reversal of wartime gender cliches is taken to the extreme that he is distraught over her departure, while in the episode he's in turns wistful and annoyed.  She is touched by his photo booth pics, and I'm pleased to learn that there's an all-night drug store in the neighborhood.

The boys' bit could've been funny in an absurd way, and I'm fond of the Lenny line, "Who thought?"  But I can see why it was cut, since the scene is kind of long (eight pages).  

I do find it interesting that Edna had no plans to rent out the girls' apartment.  I could see if they were joining the Reserves (as they will in the end), but they are planning to travel the world.  Did she wisely suspect that the Army wouldn't work out and the girls would be back for good, in eight weeks or less?  I like that Laverne gets nice moments with both "parents," and she does see Edna as her mother by this point (two episodes after "The Wedding"). 

And, yeah, apparently Carmine, Lenny, and Squiggy were all planning to hang out in the empty apartment.