"Dance Studio" script, Scene A

Although "The Dance Studio" would air a bit after "The Debutante Ball," the Pre-Production Draft of the former predates the Revised Shooting Script of the latter, suggesting that different scripts were at different phases simultaneously.  Anyway, for a draft, the February 1, 1978 version is not drastically different from the "DS" episode, and in fact it's the least changed of the four scripts I've examined so far.  Nonetheless, there are some interesting differences.

"The dining table is set up just outside the kitchen.  Edna and Frank are having dinner with the girls.  They are just finishing up."  But as with "Debutante," apparently the first thing to go in a Scene A is part of a meal.  Here's what's missing:

SHIRLEY

More turnips, Mrs. Babish?

EDNA

No thanks, but they were delicious.  I never saw anyone put tomato sauce on them before.

FRANK

(SOTTO VOCE TO EDNA) I never want to see that again.

LAVERNE

I thought everything was nice.

EDNA

Very nice.  (ELBOWS FRANK)

FRANK

Nice.

SHIRLEY

This is what I cook for.  The satisfaction I get seeing the joy of others, as they bask in a hearty meal.

FRANK

(GETTING UP TO LEAVE) Right.  Let's go home.

The episode just starts with Frank saying to Edna, "OK, let's get outa here."  Then the dialogue is intact if paraphrased until we get to Frank asking why Laverne isn't married yet.

LAVERNE

(UNCOMFORTABLE) I'm seein' a couple guys.

FRANK

Bums.  No classy guys.

SHIRLEY

I've told her that.

FRANK

Why can't you be more like Shirley?

SHIRLEY

I tell her that all the time...

FRANK

Another thing...

The episode picks up with Laverne getting up and "hustling Frank out."  Note that when Edna invites Frank up to her apartment she says it "sexy," which Betty Garrett interpreted as patting Phil Foster on the butt.

Shirley was supposed to yell after them, "Wait.  I put extra turnips in a doggie bag," to which Laverne would comment, "Good.  Then they won't leak into the garbage can."

SHIRLEY

Is that a crack about my cooking?

THEY ARE CLEARING THE TABLE

SHIRLEY (CONT'D)

Because I don't have to do this.  I'll let you rot on the stuff you cook for yourself.

In the episode as aired, Shirley is disappointed that Frank and Edna didn't stay longer, and Laverne sympathetically says it's too bad they missed dessert.  Shirley says there's more of her fried parsnip custard for the two of them.  Then Laverne wonders where the Bromo is, so Shirley asks if that's a comment on her cooking.  The part about Laverne saying that she doesn't need to cook and Shirley asking how Laverne intends to keep a husband happy is similar, but dig this amazing stage direction:

LAVERNE LOOKS DREAMILY OUT INTO THE DISTANCE.  SHE IS THINKING DIRTY THOUGHTS.  THOUGHTS OF SEX SO DEPRAVED THAT IT WOULD CURL YOUR HAIR... THAT'S RIGHT, SUSAN LEEPER, AND THERE'S NOTHING YOU CAN DO BECAUSE YOU CAN'T CENSOR THOUGHTS... YET.

Would it surprise you to learn that Nicholas DeMarco never wrote for Laverne & Shirley, or indeed any network television, ever again?  As for Susan Leeper, a quick Google search shows that she was one of the VPs of Comedy at ABC in the '90s, and presumably she had some role in censoring L & S in the '70s.  I can only assume that that stage direction did not make it intact into the final draft, but I bet Penny got a kick out of it.

Carmine's entrance "all beaten up" and the next three pages or so made it mostly unchanged, although his "Ahh.  Don't touch me there.  Funny, that's what you usually say" was earlier in the scene, before Laverne leaves the room.  Also, the girls kept their money in the cookie jar rather than the Bible, so there wasn't the thing of the three of them praying for more money.

Interestingly, it was originally Laverne's idea, rather than Carmine's, for Carmine and Shirley to pretend to be married.

CARMINE

They don't loan money to young guys, especially without collateral.

LAVERNE

Well, there's your answer.

CARMINE

Where?

LAVERNE

You and Shirley.

CARMINE

Get married?  Hah!

SHIRLEY

Oh, well, thanks a lot.

CARMINE

I didn't mean that.  Nothing personal.  Maybe someday, who knows.

LAVERNE

You don't have to do it for real.  Just pretend.

SHIRLEY

That's dishonest.

In the episode, Shirley thinks it's a come-on, and Laverne suggests Ready Betty Wazelewsky, who was in the "Debutante Ball" script.  When Shirley understands and reluctantly agrees, Laverne suggests they get a little practice at being married, prompting Shirley's "bus into Filthtown" remark.

In the script, Shirley agrees while Laverne is getting meat for Carmine's eye.

SHIRLEY

Meet Shirley Ragusa.  Got a nice ring to it.

LAVERNE

Great.  Here, we're out of steak.  Put this on your eye.

SHE PUTS A CHICKEN ON HIS EYE.

CARMINE

A chicken looks stupid.  Don't you have something else?

LAVERNE

Okay, but you're gonna look even dumber wearing a breaded veal cutlet.

The girls have chicken and veal, but they're serving Frank and Edna turnips?  Some other puzzling things about this long (ten-page) scene.  Since when does Frank compare Laverne to Shirley?  And Shirley wouldn't back him up like that.  Who were the couple guys Laverne was seeing at this point?  Was Laverne nudging Carmine and Shirley towards marriage or at least sex, or was she just trying to simultaneously tease them and help him financially?  Why is Carmine the one reluctant to get married, when we know that Shirley is still holding out for a doctor?  The chicken is in a "bag," presumably uncooked, which is of course less funny than a chicken out of a bag.  (But maybe not as funny as Ron Howard with a dead fish on his face.)

The script isn't bad, and I did give the resulting episode a B.  (It's not like "Monastery," where we discover that a terrible episode could've actually been worse.)  But it is a bit off in characterization, even if we definitely get what That Bouvier Girl calls "the Laverne Is a Horny Virgin trope" in a big way.  Still, for a newbie getting his bearings, DeMarco is off to a promising start.