"The Bachelor Party," Scenes C and D

We're again at the Pizza Bowl during the day:

THE PIZZA BOWL IS PRETTY BUSY.  LORENZO IS MAKING PIZZA.  MARY IS WAITING ON TABLES.  LAVERNE IS AT THE REGISTER.  SHIRLEY IS WATCHING A CUSTOMER PAYING LAVERNE.

LAVERNE

(VERY PLEASANT) Thank you.  Do call again.

THE CUSTOMER EXITS.

SHIRLEY

(IMPRESSED) Laverne, you're such a person.

LAVERNE

(SHY) Yeah...

SHIRLEY

You're such a person.  You say "Hello" you say "Goodbye", you don't hit anyone.  Your father was wrong.

LAVERNE

It's an effort, believe me.

LAVERNE GOES TO A CUSTOMER AT A TABLE WHO IS JUST LEAVING.

LAVERNE (CONT'D)

(VERY PLEASANT) Hello, how was your meal?

CUSTOMER

It stunk!

LAVERNE

Really... (PLEASANT) Why whatever was the trouble?

CUSTOMER

The trouble was it stunk.

LAVERNE

(HOSTILE) Ahh, dry up and blow awa -- (PLEASANT) Oh, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to do that --

THE CUSTOMER THROWS DOWN SOME MONEY AND EXITS.

SHIRLEY

That's okay, he had it coming, Laverne.

LAVERNE

No.  I gotta watch myself.

SILKY ENTERS.  HE'S IN HIS DRESS WHITE SAILOR SUIT.  SQUIGGY AND LENNY SEE HIM.

SQUIGGY

Hey, Lenny, look, it's Silky.  Hey, Silky, when you get back?

SILKY

I never left.

SQUIGGY

Oh, then you got back last time.

SILKY

Excuse me, fellows, I gotta swing into action.

LENNY
He's girl crazy.  I hope I never get that way.

SQUIGGY

Don't worry about it.

SILKY GOES OVER TO LAVERNE AND SHIRLEY.

SILKY

Hey, beautiful, you look great.  I don't know what you do to your eyes but I thought there was a movie star here.

SHIRLEY

Hi, Silky.

SILKY

Is that you, Shirley?  You beautiful doll!

HE KISSES SHIRLEY'S HAND.

LAVERNE

I thought your ship sailed out this month.

SILKY

It did?

SHIRLEY

How come you get to stay here?

SILKY WINKS AND MAKES CLICKING SOUNDS.

LAVERNE

(TO SHIRLEY) What does that wink mean?

SILKY

There's a young lady who works in the admiral's office who makes out the duty rosters.

LAVERNE

So?

SILKY WINKS.

LAVERNE (CONTD)

Again he's winking.

SHIRLEY

This young lady has a crush on you?

HE WINKS.

SILKY

Gives me anything I want.

SHIRLEY
I'll bet.

LAVERNE NUDGES HER.

SILKY

Stay beautiful, girls, I'll be back.

SHIRLEY

He's such a smooth talker.

LAVERNE

But he says the same things to everyone.

SHIRLEY

Only girls.  I'm going home.  When are you coming home for dinner?

LAVERNE

No, I gotta work.  I've gotta prove to my father that he doesn't have to watch me like a hawk.

FONZIE (O.S.)

Hey, Laverne.

FONZIE ENTERS.

LAVERNE

Hi, Fonzie.

FONZIE COMES TO THE COUNTER.

That mostly got cut out, presumably on the assumption that the audience wouldn't want to wait more than four minutes for Fonzie this time.  So the second scene of the aired episode starts with him entering and talking to Shirley.

They added Fonzie kissing Laverne, but they omitted this:

LAVERNE

Listen, Fonzie, I've got to cancel our date this weekend.  I've gotta work.

FONZIE

That's okay.  I've gotta cancel myself.  We'll make it next week and we'll make up for lost time.

SHIRLEY

How?

LAVERNE

It's your business?

In the script Shirley says she's heard stories about bachelor parties, which was improved for filming to her brothers being the ones who've heard the stories.  (Her brothers are mentioned later in the scene, in both versions.)  And Fonzie kissing both Laverne and Shirley was added.  In the script, Shirley predicts that the bachelor party will be "an orgy," the first use of that word in any L&S script I assume.

The scene ends with Laverne calling after Shirley, "You don't understand business.  Go join the Campfire Girls!"

Scene C dissolves into Scene D, but onscreen they're just one scene.  Carmine calling Laverne "Vernie" is a nice touch for filming.  Onscreen, the scene ends with the three guys being amused that Mary and Lorenzo refuse to work overtime, but the script has this:

LENNY

(TO LAVERNE) Boy, you're in trouble.  (TO SQUIGGY) That's funny,

SQUIGGY

(STARTS TO EXIT) I don't get it.

LENNY

That's because you got no sense of humor.

SQUIGGY

And didn't I make that waitress laugh when I put the french fries in my hair?

LENNY

She didn't laugh.  She poured milk on your pants.

SQUIGGY

Yeah, but that was funny.

LENNY

That was her, that had nothing to do with the french fries.

SQUIGGY

But if I hadn't done the french fries chances are she wouldn't have brought the milk --

THEY EXIT.

The aired version continues with the rest of this scene after the commercial break, as Laverne and Carmine talk about his "little angle face Shirley."  And that finishes up Act One of the Script.

Many thoughts:

• Laverne here is all of us who've worked in customer service, which tells us a lot about why she was probably happiest when she worked at the brewery.
• That's so cute how Shirley uses "person" as a compliment.
• We would see Silky onscreen but he's just a sailor at the bachelor party.  (Timothy Thomerson had not been cast at the time of this script.)  I don't know why there's all this backstory here (and later), unless they were trying to see which characters would work and which wouldn't.  But by airdate, they'd wisely pared things down to the basic recurring characters for the most part.
• Lenny & Squiggy's "girl crazy" exchange is open to at least three interpretations, and I love them all.
• It's interesting, especially compared to the later characterizations, that it is Shirley who's charmed by the smooth-talking sailor here, while Laverne is skeptical.
• The winking is a little creepy.
• Silky does not hit on guys, apparently.
• Fonzie and Laverne dating was being phased out by the time this aired, but here we're supposed to see them as an occasional item.  Shirley's curiosity/voyeurism would end up being a very characteristic trait.
• On the other hand, they did want Fonzie to kiss both girls, even though he "picks up a spare" in both versions.
• The "Campfire Girls" line would become somewhat ironic later, when it would be revealed that Laverne and Shirley got kicked out of the Brownies together.
• Lenny and Squiggy's exchange about being funny is remarkably unfunny, and I'm glad it was dropped.  Except, it does show an early version of what would come up in "The Duke of Squigman," where Squiggy won't admit that sometimes girls don't like his style of flirtation.
• Like I said, we can see in these two scenes that characterization was a work in progress.  Oddly enough, the Carmine stuff made it in, and yet this Carmine is little like who he'd be even by the end of Season One.