GLORIA TWIRLS SQUIGGY'S SPITCURL SEDUCTIVELY.
GLORIA
Come on, Squiggy. You want to be in the show, don't you?
SQUIGGY TRIES TO BACK OFF.
SQUIGGY
No way. You shouldn't have told me your plan.
GLORIA
You mean, I should have tricked you?
SQUIGGY
You're darn right. I'm nobody's fool but my own. The only way I'd do it is if I was stupid enough to know I wasn't doing it.
GLORIA
(TO LEON) He's right. Nobody's going to want to do the finale and let us make fools of them. We've got to trick somebody.
SQUIGGY
That's your problem, lady. Music is all I care about. Here's a little thing I call the blues.
SQUIGGY EXITS, PLAYING CLARINET.
GLORIA
(TO LEON) Who am I going to get this late? Oh, I'll find somebody.
Instead, we got the two male Shotz employees (one named Wilber) being worried they won't have a finale to ruin. This is what happened after Shirley said she'd like a word with Gloria:
GLORIA
(REACTS TO LEON) Shirley. How wonderfully fortunate to see you.
GLORIA CROSSES TO SHIRLEY.
SHIRLEY
Gloria, I won't mince words. I'm here to tell you exactly what I think of you.
GLORIA
You hate me.
SHIRLEY
Hate is such a strong word. I don't hate people. Dislike might be a better way to describe it.
LAVERNE NUDGES SHIRLEY.
SHIRLEY (CONT'D)
(TO GLORIA) I hate you... You treated Laverne and me very unfairly at the audition.
GLORIA
You're absolutely right.
SHIRLEY
That's why I'm asking you...
LAVERNE NUDGES SHIRLEY AGAIN.
SHIRLEY (CONT'D)
... no, no, I take that back... I'm demanding that you put us back in the show, or else!
GLORIA
Okay, you're in the show...
SHIRLEY
... Or else... I'll...
GLORIA
Shirley. You're in the show.
LAVERNE
Don't you even want to hear the "or else"?
GLORIA
It's not necessary.
LAVERNE
Well, I want to hear the "or else"... Shirl, what's the "or else"?
SHIRLEY
You're the "or else".
LAVERNE
I'm the "or else"?
Most of that was omitted. The script has the detail that the "man who plays his eyes" is the head of accounting.
The next scene is in the same place but at "night." The girls' costumes are described as "cute but obviously home-made." And the guys in the background are "wearing funny stuff." They were supposed to "go into a mock strip which really gets the audience going." Other than that, Scene J aired as is.
Then we go to the "girls' bedroom - night." Although Boo-Boo Kitty is namechecked in the dialogue, he is first described in the stage directions as "a stuffed kitty." Laverne's descriptions of specific audience members was added.
The tag is at the "Pizza Bowl - night." Frank's speech was very different, "So the gorilla says to the bartender ... 'All right then, give me a haircut.' (RIM SHOT) Enough humor. Alright, everybody shut up. It's show time. As you all know, we have a new policy here at the Pizza Bowl. Every Friday night we're gonna bring you entertainment. Tonight we have a local favorite who has a brand new act... Carmine Ragusa, and the little Rageese."
Thoughts:
- It's interesting that this Gloria tries, unsuccessfully, to use her feminine wiles on Squiggy.
- He wants to be tricked into doing wrong, but she's not doing a very good job of tricking him, although she will fool the girls.
- I'm not clear in either version why Gloria wants to make fools of people in general. I get why she'd want revenge on the girls specifically, but why does it come up before that?
- It's cute that Laverne has to nudge Shirley to be tougher, but I can see why this part was cut for time.
- I also think it's cute that Laverne is Shirley's "or else."
- In both versions, Gloria is going to tell a joke about a gorilla going into a bar, so I assume that that's the joke Frank tells the punchline to in the tag.
- Overall, this script isn't shockingly different from what would soon air, although the regulars, especially Laverne, are made more sympathetic in the later version.
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