"Helmut Week End," Scene A

My copy of "Ski Show" from January 18, 1982, includes the first scene of "Helmut Week End" (yes, three words), "to be shot 1/19/82."  It starts in the "girls apartment - morning":

SHIRLEY, DRESSED IN A VERY SENSIBLE SUIT, IS ON THE PHONE.

SHIRLEY

Rhonda, there's no such thing as Veal Fondue.  I can give you the recipe for Veal Parmingiana [sic], Veal Scallopini, Veal Sing In The Sunshine... that's a joke, Rhonda.

Laverne's costume is described as "a sexy outfit."  Shirley tells Rhonda, calmly into the phone, "Would you please hold for a second, Rhonda?"  In the script, the girls are going to a "giftwrapper seminar representing Bardwell of Burbank, not Frederick's of Hollywood," which became a retirement party for filming.

LAVERNE

The outfit is classy.  I just happen to have a very hot body.  So the total effect is classily hot.  (POSES)

SHIRLEY

It's classily smutty.

Since Rhonda is still on the phone with Shirley, she enters holding a telephone with a long cord.

...RHONDA LOOKS HOT.  SHIRLEY'S BACK IS TO RHONDA.

RHONDA

Shirley, how long should Rhonda hold?

SHIRLEY

(REMEMBERING INTO PHONE) Oh, I'm sorry, Rhonda.  I was just explaining to Laverne the importance of...  (SHE TURNS, NOTICES RHONDA'S OUTFIT)  I'll call you back later, Rhonda.

RHONDA

Oh, don't bother.  I got a date for dinner while I was on hold.

After Laverne's line about "Subtle beauty with a delicate feel.  And so refined," this little bit was dropped.

RHONDA

Why, thank you.  What do you think of my dress?

LAVERNE

I bet Shirl likes it.  As she so quaintly put it, it could never look 'hot.'

Since Rhonda is collecting for the Home for Unwed Actors, Shirley puts in her recipe for Veal Parmigian [also sic], which I guess she just happens to have lying around.

SHIRLEY STARTS TO USHER RHONDA OUT, LAVERNE STOPS THEM.

LAVERNE

Wait, Rhonda, I'd be glad to contribute.  (WHILE SLOWLY SEARCHING THRU [sic] PURSE) The material looks the same to me.  Maybe it's the buttons.  Or the lining.  Darn no change, but here's gum.  Well, they look alike to me.  How 'bout you, Shirl?  What do you think?

SHIRLEY

I think we better be on our way, Laverne.  We don't want to be late, do we?

LAVERNE

Maybe Rhonda would like to join us.  She could bring her date.

SHIRLEY

Let's go.

SHIRLEY DRAGS LAVERNE OUT THE DOOR.  RHONDA STARTS TO FOLLOW THEM.

RHONDA

Well, a recipe and gum is better than nothing.  I guess dressing conservatively was a good idea.

RHONDA EXITS.

Thoughts:

• The girls going to a seminar makes more sense than a retirement party, because it would better explain their absence.
• This scene is odd anyway because it has nothing to do with the main plot that focuses on the boys, like they needed to give the actresses some screen time.
• I like the joke in reference to the 1966 Gale Garnett song, but the scene does work better without Shirley and Rhonda on the phone.
• You would think that with so many Italians on the show, somebody would at least know how to spell food.
• Apparently Laverne describing herself as "hot" was too much, so it became her agreeing that she looks "available."
• The stage description outright says Rhonda looks hot.
• It is unclear how Rhonda got a date or with whom while she was on the phone.  Maybe one of her admirers dropped by, or she has two phone lines.
• The scene doesn't have much of a payoff, but neither does the filmed version, with Shirley warning Laverne not to bend over.