"Crime Isn't Pretty" script, Scene A

The week after the Revised Filming Script for "Watch the Fur Fly" was submitted, the Revised Final Draft for "That's Entertainment" was completed.  Yet TE wouldn't air until March 9, 1982.  In the meantime, there were various scripts, most of which I don't own at this point.  Oh, and the Revised Final Draft for "Crime Isn't Pretty," which is dated February 4, 1982, although the episode would become the penultimate for Season Seven.

At this point, the Policeman and Priest were not yet cast, but The Big Ragoo had the S back in his last name.  (Squiggy was getting by with just one G and one N in his last name, and Lenny was absent.)  There are only two sets, the girls' living room and the girls' bedroom.

We begin in the former, with a note that says that Scene A was filmed 1-26-82, a week earlier.  Was Cindy off on her honeymoon by this point?  According to Penny Marshall's autobiography, Cindy conceived in February, which would impact other scripts, as we saw with "The Baby Show" and which I will return to later.  But anyway, it's an almost L-&-S-less script by intent.

In the spirit of cute BBK moments in Season Seven scripts, here's how the scene was supposed to start:

SHIRLEY IS SEATED ON THE COUCH, COMFORTING BOO BOO KITTY.

SHIRLEY

Oh, Boo Boo Kitty, you're the only witness to this horrible robbery, and you can't even talk.  Maybe you can nod "yes" or "no".  Was he tall?  Did he have a mustache?

BOO BOO KITTY REMAINS SILENT.  LAVERNE ENTERS FROM THE BEDROOM.

Laverne's line after Shirley asks the person at the door who won the '63 World Series was changed from "Shirl, he's not a Japanese spy" to "Even if he gave you the right answer, you wouldn't know."

Shirley having an alphabetized list of the missing items was added, as was Laverne warning the cop not to touch Shirley's "pussycat."

This was omitted after Shirley says it must've been professional burglars:

LAVERNE

The kind that wear black tights, carry stop watches, scale buildings and use nitro to open vaults.

POLICEMAN

You have a vault?

SHIRLEY

No, but if we did, it would've been blown to bits.

Shirley saying that Laverne has L's on everything was added.  For some reason, Frank saying he'd like to break the burglar's neck was changed to breaking fingers.

When Frank suggests the girls go away for the weekend, Laverne was supposed to say they had to "redecorate," meaning get new locks, while Shirley would say that they had ironing and dates.  So then when Frank offers to pay for their weekend away, Laverne would say, "It's a good thing we didn't iron.  It would've got wrinkled in the suitcase anyway."  Instead, we'd get Shirley suspecting Frank of robbing them because he has money to pay for their trip.

I'd say that the changes are generally for the better for this opening, although since I'd end up giving the episode a C+, it's still not a hilarious scene.  I do have to wonder who the girls had dates with and how those guys reacted to the cancellation.