"Perfidy in Blue," Scene B

It's the girls' apartment at night, but....

THE APARTMENT HAS BEEN REDRESSED TO LOOK LIKE THE DINING ROOM OF A LARGE MANSION.

"Fritz's" line "Hey, where is everybody?  I've said grace ten times already" was omitted.  Note that in this version of the script (unlike the close-captioning), Shirley's dream-name is spelled with a C rather than an S.  The narrator's line "What an idiot" was added.

After "Lu Anne's" entrance and introduction, this was left out:

SQVEN

Lu Anne, take a letter.

LU ANNE TAKES OUT A STENO PAD, CARESSING HIM THROUGH OUT [sic].

LU ANNE

I'll take anything you got.

SQVEN

You got it.  (BEAT; DICTATING) Dear Wall Street Journal: please cancel my subscription.  I was astounded that you don't carry Alley Oop.  So there.  Sincerely, Sqven, don't-call-me-Golly, Baublenik.  (TO LU ANNE) I want it tonight.

LU ANNE

You'll get it tonight.

Instead, onscreen Lu Anne pushes Charlene's face into the soup bowl and kisses Sqven.

"Leonardo" and Charlene were supposed to kiss after he announces that he bought a new car.

Instead of Fritz's generic pancake-restaurant intro earlier in the scene, this is what happens after Leonardo says, "Thank you.  Missy":

ANGLE ON:

FRITZ DRINKING A BOWL OF SOUP BY HOLDING THE BOWL TO HIS FACE.

NARRATOR (V.O.)

Fritz Baublenik defied the odds and turned a six table IHOP into a vast corporate empire.

FRITZ

Pass the money.

LU ANNE HANDS FRITZ A SILVER TRAY BRIMMING WITH CASH.  FRITZ TAKES A HUNDRED DOLLAR BILL AND WIPES HIS MOUTH WITH IT.

FRITZ (CONT'D)

Thanks.

In what may well be in the Top Ten of brain-bleach-worthy stage directions of the series, we thankfully lost "As Rhonda [sic] pours wine for those whose glasses are empty, Fritz Ronnies."

After Fritz's "lovebirds" line, there was this stage direction, "Everybody looks at each other for a beat, not sure who Fritz is talking about.  We see close ups of a series of eyes until two eyes cross."  Instead we got Leonardo and Charlene holding hands and looking longingly at each other, while Lu Anne and Sqven just full on smooch at the dinner table!

After Fritz's line about showing Rhoda where she forgot to dust, the narrator was supposed to say, "Yes, once again Fritz Baublenik will attempt to defy the odds."

In case you're curious, Sqven's original line was "Once, in an airport," and I'm just going to credit Lander for the perfect addition of "in Tacoma."

And here's the stage direction that leads to the biggest Shirlenny makeout in the history of the series, "Charlene spreads her arms in despair.  Leonardo walks right into them and Charlene closes her arms around him."  The simple stage direction "They kiss" follows his "piano" line, with no mention of him lavishing attention on her hand.

After Charlene shares her suspicions of Sqven's affair with Lu Anne, Leonardo was supposed to say, "I had no idea."

In the script, Charlene calls Leonardo "my silly goose" rather than "my jelly bean."  This was omitted after Charlene reveals her plan:

LU ANNE

Where was that?

CHARLENE

Drugs-Are-Us, right next to Carpets-Are-Them.

LU ANNE

(WRITING) Thank you.

Instead, we get Lu Anne mouthing the words as she writes, while Leonardo and Charlene smooch again.

I should note that a lot of the slapstick with Charlene (accidentally?) injuring Leonardo was added.  And, yes, the line was originally "Once in a bus station," with no mention of Tacoma.  On the other hand, Lu Anne asks the momentarily empty room in the script, "What can you do in a bus station that you can't do in an airport?"

The exchange between Sqven and Lu Anne before he "jumps in her arms" and "they kiss" was originally just his "Oh, darling."  They were supposed to kiss again after he asks, "What are you talking about?  I'm here."

Instead of Sqven saying he "can't come up with a thing" for their plan and then the music and his pose suggesting otherwise, well, there was this (with a note written by whoever had this script before it became a PDF):

 

Instead of the narrator asking, "What evil lurks behind Lu Anne's lips?" as she kisses Sqven, there was this to close out the scene:

LU ANNE

I love my work.

SQVEN

I'm an equal opportunity employer.

THEY RESUME KISS.

Some thoughts:

• This is the funniest and strangest episode of a mostly forgettable season.  Yes, stranger than "That's Entertainment," although here it is Shirley's far from demure subconscious imagining most of this rather than, you know, Frank wanting to see Carmine shirtless.  I'd love to see what earlier drafts looked like, but already we can see that there were changes between "revised shooting script" and what would air in May.
• I feel like the lines are generally more suggestive in the script, while the flirtation and affection are stronger than scripted.  The two swapped couples are scripted to kiss, not make out, repeatedly!
• Of course, Lu Anne caressing Sqven while taking down his letter would've been a challenge for her.
• What does that mean "I had no idea"?  Is Leonardo stupid, naive, half-blind?  How could he miss Sqven and Lu Ann's affair?  Or is he so distracted by his own affair with Charlene he missed it?  True, he enters the room after the caressing stenography but, as the script and episode make clear later, the S/LA affair has been going on for years!
• Were they afraid IHOP would sue?
• Fritz's table manners are worse in the script.
• Also, much as I might've liked to see Phil Foster bite his hand, I'd rather that it not be in the service of an incestuous Fronda ship (or I guess it's "Froda" here).  And I assume that Fritz "defying the odds" with Rhoda is some sort of potency joke.
• I know it's a dream, as well as a soap-opera parody, so I shouldn't be looking for logic here, but  why does Charlene not question Lu Anne asking for directions to the drugstore?  For that matter, how does Shirley know what goes on in the room after Charlene leaves?
• Based on Michael and Penny's reactions, I still think David either ad-libbed on the spot or at some point punched up Sqven's dialogue, because it is funnier than in the script, not that it's bad in the script.
• I'm not sure, but I think that the script was saying Sqven was impotent or infertile, rather than, as onscreen, that kissing Lu Anne's evil lips gave him an erection.

More surprises ahead....