"Teenage Lust" script, Scene D

Scene D finds us in "a strange kind of ballroom-type area," later that night.  If I recall correctly, the exterior used was also London's LA house.  As for the interior....

THIS IS YOUR BASIC FRATERNITY PARTY WITH MUSIC, DANCING, DRINKING LOUD CONVERSTAIONS [sic] ABOUT DESCARTES, ETC.  

Descartes, sure.  Interestingly, Shirley's line about "the large and lovely home" and Mike's mother was given to Laverne, although it sounds more like a Shirley line, and Shirley got Laverne's line about being surprised that they've been taken to a fraternity party.

We lost this exchange:

SHIRLEY

(TO BOYS) We love fraternity parties.  Remember the last one we went to?  When was that?

LAVERNE

(SOTTO) 1958

SHIRLEY

February.

Now I want that flashback episode.

This was omitted after Kathy (played by Kathy Marshall) assumes Shirley is Mike's mother, and Shirley wants to leave.

LAVERNE

Don't take it so personal.  According to Ripley's you can be a mother at eight.

SHIRLEY

So what, Jo-Jo, the dog-faced boy, barks in seven languages.

LAVERNE

How does he bark in French?  (SHE BARKS IN FRENCH)

Laverne was supposed to respond to the propeller on Lyle's beanie with "Nice touch.  Let me blow that for you."  She was also supposed to say of him "shouting right next to her ear" in his role as announcer of arrivals, "That was wonderful.  Now people in Glendale know who just came in."

Shirley's compliment on the "two rather hippieish-looking girls" (played by Wendy and Judy Hallin), "My what large eyes you girls have?", is an example, as with the cocaine mirror in "I Do, I Do," of a drug joke actually being added to the script.

Then a page and a half was left out:

MIKE

Maybe you'll come back for homecoming.

SHIRLEY

Yes, I'd love to go home.  I mean go back.  I mean, I feel like home... here... back.

SUDDENLY A VERY LOUD VOICE REVERBERATES THROUGHOUT THE HALL.

GOODRICH

Turtle.

EVERYONE IN THE ROOM FALLS TO THE FLOOR AND ROLLS ONTO THEIR BACKS, TWITCHING SPASMODICALLY.  LAVERNE AND SHIRLEY ARE THE ONLY ONES LEFT STANDING.  LAVERNE STEPS OVER PEOPLE TO GET TO SHIRLEY.  CONFUSED, THEY LOOK AT EACH OTHER.

SHIRLEY

(STEPPING OVER PEOPLE) Excuse me, excuse me, excuse me...

LAVERNE

Notice anything unusal [sic]?

SHIRLEY

Make believe you don't see anything.

LAVERNE

I feel a big headache coming on.

SHIRLEY

Me too.  But let me have one dance with Mike.

THE TURTLE ENDS AND MIKE GETS UP.  THEY ALL START CROSSING BACK TOWARD LYLE.

MIKE

That was a turtle.  It's my favorite group dance.

LAVERNE

And it gets the floor clean.

LAVERNE RETURNS TO LYLE.  MUSIC BEGINS.

SHIRLEY

May I have this turtle?  Standing up, I mean.

SHIRLEY AND MIKE MOVE ONTO THE DANCE FLOOR.

ANGLE ON:

LAVERNE AND LYLE AS A FRATERNITY BROTHER ENTERS.  LYLE ANNOUNCES HIM.

LYLE

Recording secretary... Brian Hallenback...

BRIAN ENTERS WITH A HOT LOOKING GIRL.

LAVERNE

(ANNOUNCING TOO) And a real hot one!  (TO BRIAN) Way to go, Brian!  (TO LYLE) Tuck in your shirt, Lyle.

This was left out of the dance montage:

SHIRLEY

(SOTTO) Laverne, there's still ten more brothers.  I need a breather.

LAVERNE

Alligator!

EVERYONE BUT THE GIRLS DROP TO THE FLOOR AND WIGGLE FRANTICALLY.

SHIRLEY

Brilliant.

LAVERNE

I was gonna yell 'ostrich' but I didn't want Lyle to hurt himself.

SHIRLEY

I gotta sit down and rest.  I'm too tired to leave now.

THE ALLIGATOR ENDS AND EVERYONE GETS UP.

Tracy's conversation with Laverne went here in the script, but I think it does work better to move it, intact, to before the girls dance with all the frat brothers.

The last page or so, after Tracy exits, was omitted:

SHIRLEY WALKS OVER TO LAVERNE.

SHIRLEY

What did that girl want?

LAVERNE

Lyle.

SHIRLEY

Lyle?  Well, beauty is in the eye of the beholder.

LAVERNE

And there is a lot of Lyle to behold.  But he's an okay kid.

SHIRLEY

Yeah.  The evening didn't turn out to be so bad.

LAVERNE

We fit in better than we thought.

LYLE

(SHOUTS) Wolf!

THE GIRLS LOOK AT EACH OTHER.  SHIRLEY SMILES, LAVERNE SHRUGS AND THEY BOTH DROP TO THE FLOOR WHERE THEY WIGGLE AROUND AND ACT LIKE WOLVES.  THE ENTIRE ROOM STOPS AND LOOKS AT THEM.

PENNY LEE

What are you girls doing?

LAVERNE

He said 'wolf.'

PENNY LEE

Yeah.  Barry Wolfe just came in to the room.

LAVERNE

Yeah, we knew that.

SHIRLEY

Can't Barry take a joke?

THEY GET UP VERY EMBARRASSED.

Some notable things:

1. I wish we could've heard Penny Marshall bark in French.
2. Laverne interacts with Lyle a lot more in the script than onscreen.
3. Shirley's discomfort with Mike and the party is emphasized more in the script.
4. I'm not surprised the "eight-year-old mother" line didn't make it past the censor.
5. The dance where the frat boys fall to the floor and act like particular animals is whimsical, like the "newt" dance that Gussie Fink-Nottle's friends improvise on the '90s Jeeves and Wooster.
6. I'm glad that the girls reflecting on the evening was left out of this scene, since it feels premature and redundant.