"Dance Studio" script, Scene B

 Like Scene A, Scene B is about ten pages, but a lot more eventful.  It's the next day at the girls' apartment.  "Carmine is nervously looking out the window and looking at his watch."  I don't know how he could've done both simultaneously, but on the episode Laverne is giving him a shoulder massage as he paces.  The dialogue for the next page or so is basically the same though.  Mr. Caulley is described as "a small mousey [sic] man," and the actor they had not yet cast at the time of this version of the script fits that.  

Interestingly, Laverne offering a cookie and then a banana was added later, while in the script "Mr. Caulley enters and sees Laverne" and immediately makes the "lovely wife" assumption.  Carmine putting his arm around Laverne and them calling each other "Darling," "Honey," and "Dear" was also added.  And, yep, Carmine and Laverne cuddling on the couch and him stroking her hair was not in the original stage directions.

Here's some omitted dialogue for you to savor:

CAULLEY

Now, under employment experience you've listed: Boxer, house painter, dance instructor, singer, bouncer and escort to Mrs. Lockwash, whoever that is.

CARMINE

I know, it seems like I jumped around.

CAULLEY

No, that's fine, we find that very industrious.  I bet Mrs. Ragusa is very proud of you.

LAVERNE

Oh yeah, his mother think he's great.

CAULLEY

You are Mrs. Ragusa.

LAVERNE

Right.  I like him too.

So is Carmine's mother canonically alive at this point?  And, heh, about the Mrs. Lockwash reference, a little pay-off to people who remember from Season Two.

The part where Laverne says they have no kids, and Carmine tells her that she's pregnant, runs differently enough to be quoted in full:

CAULLEY

Now.  You didn't fill in this space under children.

LAVERNE

Nope, no kids.

CAULLEY

Too bad.  Children give a couple a sense of permanence.

CARMINE

But Laverne is pregnant.

LAVERNE

No.  It's my sweater.  It's bulky.

CARMINE

Oh I didn't tell you?  The Doctor called and said the rabbit died.

LAVERNE

Of what?

In the episode, she's not wearing a bulky sweater but instead a form-fitting blouse.  And the "Of what?" is omitted.

The dialogue is mostly intact for the next couple pages, but Carmine and Laverne getting up and hugging was added.  Another addition was Laverne's "He's my lord and master."

Here's another omission, covering two pages:

CAULLEY

That's awfully big to be a new born baby.

SHIRLEY

That's because it took so long to have it.  It took eleven months instead of the usual nine.  I was three weeks in labor.  And let me tell you I am pooped.

CAULLEY

Well it doesn't look at all like you or Carmine.  Or Laverne.

CARMINE AND LAVERNE ARE COMING OUT OF THE BEDROOM.

SHIRLEY

Oh, you've met our neighbor, Laverne.

CAULLEY

She says she's your wife.  Somebody better explain what's going on here.

LAVERNE

Okay.  You want the truth, you got it.  See I married Carmine seven years ago but mysteriously disappeared.

CARMINE

We looked everywhere for her.

LAVERNE

Anyway when they couldn't find me after a couple years Carmine went ahead and married Shirley.

SHIRLEY

I only did it to help him out of his grief.  We were sure Laverne had died.

LAVERNE

That's right.  And then when I showed up safe and sound about three months ago we decided we should all just live together.

SHIRLEY

It may seem very strange but we're all very understanding.

CARMINE

That makes sense, don't it, Mr. Caulley?

CAULLEY

I'll tell you what makes sense.  It makes sense that I'm not going to lend you any money.  Mr. Ragusa you are either a liar or a bigamist.  Either way Pfister Finance says no.

HE STARTS TO GO.

LAVERNE

All right, go.  And I wouldn't name a dog Euripides.

MR. CAULLEY EXITS.

In the episode as aired, the jig is up within a couple lines, and we miss the girls' farcical explanation (which I think is an homage to My Favorite Wife [1940]).  The episode goes to a commercial break, but when they come back it's still Scene B.  The dialogue for the next page and a half is much the same, although "Nathan the Greek" was originally "Rocky" (and another as yet uncast role).  We did lose Shirley's line, "How can he dance with broken legs?", which is probably just as well.  The dialogue with Shirley naively hoping that Nathan is a nice loan shark, and Laverne saying he's not a "loan bunny" was added.  The girls in the episode feel they need to do something, but we don't find out what until later.  In the script, we get a bit of a hint of their plans:

SHIRLEY

...Maybe Rocky won't loan Carmine the money if he doesn't like the dance studio.

LAVERNE

But there's nothing wrong with the dance studio.

SHIRLEY

Not now, but I'm sure that with a little help, we can make it very unattractive.

LENNY AND SQUIGGY ENTER.

SQUIGGY

Hello.

And so ends Act One.

Again, DeMarco shows both a knowledge of show lore (that would've been a swell hello) and an odd interpretation of character.  Lines where the girls are overly dumb were wisely omitted.  The scene is funny in this version, but I can see why it was shortened.  (And Susan Leeper probably wasn't thrilled about the polyamory references.)  Also, I don't know if it was director Ray DeVally Jr. or Eddie & Penny who were responsible for the extra Carverne being filmed.  (Yes, we will get to Carmine kissing Laverne later.)