"Leverne & Shurley"

I read this at http://polishamericanguyreviews.blogspot.com/2015/06/weekly-cracked-laverne-shirley.html, where the entire seven-page parody from CRACKED #166, January 1980 (so November of 1979 at your newstands or by subscription) has been scanned and uploaded.

And it's...OK I guess.  In my Gen-X childhood, CRACKED was always the "nicer," "cleaner" alternative to MAD, funnier than CRAZY but mostly unmemorable.  And that's what this parody is, down to the title that is pronounced but not spelled the same as canon.  The illustrations by John Severn (who, if I recall correctly, had a stint at MAD in the 10-cent comic book days) are more flattering than Torres's caricatures and therefore blander.  The writing is that of someone (uncredited) who seems to have seen at least a couple episodes or at least read a couple articles.  (He, I'm assuming a male writer, at least gets a few awkward hello-entrances in.)

Character breakdown: no Frank!  Two panels of "Mrs. Blabberish," ironically referencing her lack of stuff to do.  "Carbine" makes it onto the last page, presumably for the purposes of rounding out the cast, since he's given even less to do than Edna.  At least Boo Boo Kitty is very present.

As in MAD, it's mostly about the Core Four.  This time, the "plot" is that Shurley has inherited two million, but not dollars, two million parakeet mirrors.  Don't hurt your knee slapping it too hard!  Anyway, before the big reveal, the boys want in on the action (the financial action, this is the sexless world of CRACKED, not gritty MAD), so they come up with a stupid but potentially money-making scheme involving "the Linty-Squiggly Automatic Sock Putter-Oner."  (Needs more hyphens.)   This is somewhat in character but has no real pay-off.

The shipping notes are as random as everything else.  Carmine is just a "friend" to Shurley, and to the extent that there's any pairing, it is Leverne/Squiggly (he puts his head on her shoulder to be read to, which I can't imagine him doing with anyone but maybe Lenny) and Shurley/Linty (he proposes to the heiress, while Squiggly just wants her to loan them ten bucks).

This is not a tough show to parody, People!  And by the fifth season, there was a lot to work with.  Dare I even try to find CRAZY's version?  (It's probably called "Lavoline & Surely.")

"Lavoine & Shoiley"

From the pages of MAD Magazine, Issue 194, October 1977 (therefore, published in August) comes this funny and somewhat accurate parody, written by Lou Silverstone and illustrated by probably the best caricaturist of the Usual Gang of Idiots, Angelo Torres.  My vintage but not mint copy is missing the front cover and what appears to be pages 1, 2, 47, and 48, but luckily someone (https://comics.ha.com/itm/original-comic-art/complete-story/angelo-torres-mad-194-complete-6-page-story-lavoine-and-shoiley-original-art-ec-1977-/a/7187-94772.s) has scanned the entire issue and put it online.

The title of course refers to the fact that so much of the cast (especially in the first couple seasons) sounded like they were from the Northeast.  Or as "Pop" says in the first panel, "It's me...your Fadder from Milwaukee wit' de' Brooklyn accent."  Frank appears here and there in the story, yelling, running a bowling alley, serving pizza (including for breakfast), and telling corny jokes.  Sounds legit.

Edna is in exactly one panel, and says that the girls' reputation is actually too good!  "I mean, who ever [sic] heard of 'not shaking hands on the first date'?!?"

"The Funz" is in three panels, "using that old reliable 'Continued Story' gimmick," i.e. a crossover.  He fixes the girls up with his cousins, his 10-year-old cousins.

"Coalmine" AKA "The Big Fondue" is in two panels and teaches the girls how to dance like beer bottles for an audition for a TV commercial, which is the not too exaggerated plot of this parody.

Mostly though, it is "Loonie" and "Squeegee" who are driving the plot.  (Again, sounds legit.)  Consistent with canon, Lavoine interacts with the boys more than Shoiley does, even accepting Squeegee's offer of a jelly bean, until she realizes he keeps his jelly beans in his sock.  There is perfect Squiggman (or I guess Squeeggman) phrasing on, "Boy, ain't that just like a dame, makin' me take off my shoe for nuttin'!?!"  Loonie asks for a bean and, characteristically, isn't bothered that they're all black.  The boys don't get a hello but Lavoine's "Not like the creeps and slobs we usually associate with" evokes Loonie's "Did somebody call us...??"

(In the very first panel, the "sex preverts" are ogling Shoiley's teddy bear collection.  No, there's no BBK.)

Predicting the Burbank years, the boys become the girls' managers.  Although this sounds more like something Squiggy would come up with, Loonie suggests they "leave a message here in the Executive Washroom, where the Contest Judges can't miss it...!"  The message, "LAVOINE AND SHOILEY ARE PUSHOVERS!  THEY NEVER SAY NO!", convinces Squeegee, and later the judges.

This leads, eventually, to the girls winning the contest and going out with the judges, who try to attack them and end up leaving them by the side of the road, until the "man-hungry idiots" go chasing after the car.  OK, that part isn't so funny, but overall, despite mixing up the boys' roles as unscrupulous schemer and naive dupe, the writing is surprisingly dead on.  Lavoine is the tougher, more cynical one, and Shoiley the dreamer.  The artwork is generally solid (except for Lavoine's rival who looks like a man in unconvincing drag), and Torres manages to capture McKean's versatile facial expressions.  He even seems to get the S/S and L/L pairings at some moments, and the body language feels accurate.

"Laverne & Shirley: Together Again"

OK, let's take a look at the 2002 reunion, which I've never seen before.  I'll do approximate time-stamps as I go along:

00:33 The "girls" recreate their "Schlemiel" walk.

01:25 Aww, Betty Garrett!

01:39 A live, appreciative studio audience.  Sigh, and I could've hypothetically been there (as a Southern Californian) had I known.

01:55 Is it just me, or do PM & CW look like they were already on better terms than in '95?

02:47 The crowd goes wild over Boo Boo Kitty, as they should.

03:08 Those blue shiny shoes are so Penny!

03:56 "No," PM's immediate answer to whether they're still friends.

05:30 CW's fave is "Murder on the Moose Jaw Express," which I wouldn't have predicted, although Shirley does go through a lot in it.  And the "guinea pigs" episode.

05:57, Awww, PM, you old softy, you like "the fireman show" with Ted Danson.  But head-shake at the "Army episode where I was afraid to jump out of a plane."

08:01 Yay, bloopers!

10:35 Standing O (but no Emmys) for MMK and DLL.

10:43 Quit teasing the shippers, Penny!  A peck for David and lots of smooching and hugging for Michael.

11:05 LOL at Michael auditioning David's helloing.

11:20 I will never not love a "hello" montage.

13:26 "David and I dated."  We know, Cindy, but thanks anyway.

13:57 Enron joke

14:35 More bloopers, yay!

16:30 Penny & David French-kissing!  Also, Core Four are relationship goals!  (At least platonically.)

16:58 "Cindy has this thing for animals."  "Hello!"  Michael's amusement.  See, One True Foursome.

21:56 Nice dancing montage.

22:18 And then EM and BG enter.

23:00 Note that BG was then 82!

25:08 Ah, so we will see some of Season Eight.  By the way, the questions feel staged, considering how often they just happen to have clips that fit.

26:00 "And you fell off a couch!"

28:09 OK, here's the sketch of them in the present....

29:30 Shirley is a divorced mother of three.

29:52 Laverne is a multiple divorcee, with "three wonderful children and two you'd just like to give a good slap to."

31:30 Bimbo-shaming meets 9/11 reference!

32:12 "This isn't the good licking."  All righty then.

34:50 Quick question, are the "girls" the ages they would've been in 2002?  This is like "A Comedy Odyssey" all over again, trying to figure out the timeline and math.

38:07 I expected Lenny & Squiggy to enter when the "disgusting hole" came along (especially when it involves licking Laverne, ahem), but that works I guess.

38:21 Ah, they were in Hole #2. 

39:46 Good, they pay tribute to Phil F.

41:53 Sweet, good clips.

Well, that was definitely the superior reunion show.  Not perfect, but it was good to see everyone (except Phil) together again and the clips were overall well chosen.  Plus, bloopers I hadn't seen before.

A Salute to Beehive Girl

She's first introduced in the tag of "A Date with Eraserhead," as Squiggy's date from Chicago, Francine.  She has no lines and is uncredited.  She's mentioned earlier but appears onscreen for only twenty historic seconds.  Squiggy imposes on the girls downstairs because Lenny can't drive her back to Chicago, as promised, because he swallowed the keys to the truck!  She heads into the girls' bedroom and doesn't question Squiggy, or particularly acknowledge the girls.  Although everyone else is dressed for bed (including Lenny), she is dressed for the ride home.  Her beehive is small.

Francine!

Later in the fourth season, she returns for "Lenny's Crush" and really impacts the plot.  We first see her cuddling with Squiggy.

Her beehive is much higher, but from a distance it already looks like the same girl, with the slightly zaftig figure.

In closeup, she's amused by Shirley's meltdown, and the face has the rounded cheeks and similar makeup to Francine.  The long necklace also looks like Francine's.

When most of the guests are gone and "cranky" Shirley is going to bed, the liquoring-up process begins.  Note that both Squiggy and Beehive Girl are wearing lavender shirts, and his blue jeans match her skirt.  (They were in too new a relationship to dress alike on "Date.")

"OK, keep drinkin', it'll make it easier."

At least it's Shotz!

As Squiggy starts to lead her out, he calls her his "little pumpkin puss."  She looks drunk and/or horny.

He tells her and then Lenny that his roommate won't be home that night.

If this is indeed Francine, Lenny "shared" her by getting the chance to drive her to Chicago, which might explain his passive-aggressiveness in swallowing the keys.  Lenny asks Squiggy to ask her if she's got a friend for him, so Squiggy and Beehive Girl whisper inaudibly.

Squiggy relays that she says that Lenny is just a little too weird-looking.  And yet, I can't hate her somehow.  Note that she's either moved from Chicago (to be closer to Squiggy?) or has female friends locally.

As they exit, he calls her "My Dear" and says he has a moth collection that will look great in her beehive, and we know how he feels about his moths.

We don't know how the date goes, but Squiggy doesn't check on Lenny until the following morning.  Mostly, she is of course in this episode to show that even weird girls reject Lenny, and to prompt Laverne to compliment Lenny, "even better-looking than Squiggy."  And because she's the reason Laverne invites Lenny to sleep on the couch, Lenny develops (or at least realizes) his crush on Laverne.

As far as I know, Beehive Girl doesn't show up again until Season Six, but she is undeniably the same girl, as I pointed out in my review of "Sing, Sing, Sing."  She's still got a curvy and slightly plump body, and her beehive is possibly even higher than ever.  Her makeup is paler, maybe because it's now the mid-'60s, but her facial features are the same.

Has she moved out to California or is she just visiting Squiggy?  In any case, she again doesn't speak, and this time her intimacy with Squiggy is relaxed as people who have been involved this long should be.  Squigcine (Frangy?) turns out to be one of the most successful long-range canon couples on the show, outlasting, for instance, Norman/Laverne (Lavernorm?).

Thank you, Beehive Girl, for making us laugh about love, again.